Snowflake by Heide Goody & Iain Grant

Author:Heide Goody & Iain Grant [Goody, Heide]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Satire, millennials, humour, British, comedy, Humor
ISBN: 9780995749757
Publisher: Pigeon Park Press
Published: 2018-07-19T22:00:00+00:00

Chapter 21

James topped up our glasses when I’d finished my explanation. When he stood, I could see that his brows were knitted. I could have kicked myself. What sort of idiot would come clean about making a giant condom order just because the button was there and their brother was being annoying? The sort of idiot who knew that Uncle Phil was available for easy cross-checking. Maybe I could have woven a plausible lie that made me look less stupid and shallow, but it was too late now.

“Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to make you angry.”

“Oh, I’m not angry,” he said, his face softening. “That’s my concentrating face. I was trying to think of some practical suggestions. I was wondering if the university could be persuaded to take them off your hands for freshers’ week? They’ve given them away before, although I think they’re trying to play down the idea that freshers’ week is a giant sex party.”

“Oh.” I was stunned. “That’s actually a great idea.”

“I’ll have a word with the vice-chancellor, see if I can sell it to her. She can be a bit old-fashioned.” I couldn’t help a small snuffle of laughter at that. “What?” he said.

“Old-fashioned,” I said, nodding towards the dry clothes he had changed into (which included a knitted cardigan for goodness sake!). “That’s like the cat calling the pottle black, or whatever the saying is.”

He flopped back and rolled his eyes, amused. “Yeah. I know I’m not exactly down with the kids.”

“No.”

“Elena used to tell me I was trapped in another decade.”

“Elena?”

He shook his head and it seemed it was shook at more than just my question.

“Elena is my ex-wife. Theo’s mom. Things are…” He pulled a face. “This evening…”

“Were you out with her this evening?” I asked. I had no idea what the situation was, but he clearly hadn’t had a fun time.

He sighed heavily. “No. God, no. That would have been a different kind of terrible evening. No, we haven’t seen Elena since she left. It’s been over a year now.”

“Oh, okay.”

He raised his tumbler. “You need another drink?” he asked. “And that’s code for ‘I need another drink’.”

He took our glasses and filled them at the drinks cabinet.

“This evening, I went out to see a friend of Elena’s, Pippa, who said that Elena had been in touch. It turned out that I had been invited out under false pretexts. Pippa had planned the whole thing as a date. Perhaps I should be flattered. Should I be flattered?”

“Do you feel flattered?” I said, taking the fresh glass. James had been a bit liberal with the measures but it was a very pleasant and cosyfying drink so I wasn’t going to complain.

“No. I felt cheated,” said James. “I was an idiot not to realise what I was walking into. It didn’t go well. I couldn’t wait to get back here.”

A nugget of guilt took hold at this point. “Was that because you were worried about Theo?” I asked. I didn’t say the

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